Tucker Did It
by XspriteyX
Summary: So having Wash take Church's place is all well and good but a few extra details to help him fool everyone couldn't go amiss right? Another silly lil one shot :)


**A:N/ Inspired by Jspx eight pic on a skethdump on deviant art. Link to said sketch dump~** jspx. deviantart art /RvB- MISC- DUMP- 307899385?q= gallery%3Ajspx% 2F8434075&qo=12

**Hope you enjoy!**

Washington didn't think they were serious, they couldn't be serious, yeah this had to be a joke. "I'm sorry can you repeat that? My helmet must be glitching."

Tucker replied "No, what made you think that?"

Washington stared at the teal soldier wondering if he had taken a hard knock on the head during the fight with Meta or if Caboose's...unique...personality was catching.

If it was the latter he feared for his own mentality.

Caboose said "I brought the glasses! They were right on my nose."

Tucker turned to him "You mean under your nose right?"

Caboose blinked "No they were on my nose I looked for hours but didn't notice until I looked into a mirror."

"What!? Why did you even have Church's glasses on? You know what never mind I don't want to know just hand them over already."

Washington backed up a step "OK guys this was...yeah but I'll be going on patrol now."

Tucker said "Look I didn't want to use force to do this but this is for your own good, Caboose grab him!"

Caboose chirped an "OK!"

Wash was wrapped in strong arms that lifted him off the ground, Washington struggled "Hey! this is ridiculous just stop this now and I won't hang you upside down from the top of the base!"

Tucker moved forward "No can do man just hold still and this all be over soon."

Some time later Grif and Simmons were standing on Red base, "Hey Grif have you noticed the Blues haven't come out of their base today?"

Grif snorted as he woke up "Uh yeah I noticed that uh thing you were talking about."

Simmons snapped "Grif! We're supposed to be standing watch and you fell asleep inside your helmet again!"

"I wasn't sleeping I was napping there is a difference."

"Sleeping and napping are the same thing! You close your eyes and aren't conscious, there is no difference!"

"No that was a planned nap which can restore alertness, enhance performance, and reduce mistakes and accidents. A study at NASA on sleepy military pilots and astronauts found that a 40-minute nap improved performance by 34% and alertness 100%. So in a way I was working."

"...WHAT!?"

Sarge yelled up to them "Stop gossiping and get down here you idiots! We have Blues incoming!"

Sure enough five minutes later the Blues were on the hill, Tucker shouted "Hey don't shoot we just wanna show you something!"

Sarge said "Oh yeah! Well I got something to show you too! It's called the inside of my shotgun blam-o!"

Tucker said "OK Wash show em."

Washington replied "I am still mad and when you are sleeping I am going to do something you won't expect."

Donut piped up "Can I help you with that? I'm great at being spontaneous."

Simmons sounded in pain when he said "Why Donut?"

Donut not catching his meaning said "Because I just love to get in on the action if you know what I mean."

Simmons said "Aww shut up Donut! I understood you perfectly the first time!"

Tucker said "Could you guys pay attention for like five minutes? Right come on Wash off with it."

Donut said "I like where this is going."

Simmons snapped "Donut shut up!"

Lopez looked at them without any real interest_ "Funny how you never make a fuss when it's you and Grif that such insinuations are being made about." _

Simmons said "Thank you Lopez, see Donut he agrees too. Grif back me up here!"

Grif said "Hmm? Uh yeah whatever you say Simmons."

Donut sounded chipper "Yeah Grif back him up nice and slow!"

Simmons sighed "That's it. I'm going to kill them."

Tucker shouted "Hey do I have to throw a grenade to keep your attention!? Right Wash helmet off and don't make get Caboose again."

Caboose said happily "Hello. I like being included."

Wash almost looked like he was sulking with the way he was standing, "This is stupid. I'm not doing it."

Tucker shrugged "OK. Caboo-"

Wash interrupted him "Fine!"

With that he took his helmet off scowling at the world. "Happy now?"

Grif spoke first "What the heck happened to you!?"

His hair had been grown out and dyed black, he also now had a small goatee and reading glasses on his nose.

The similar face shape coupled with all those little details made him a near enough double of Church.

Wash glared at Tucker "Somebody decided that I needed to 'look the part' when our ally shows up to help us rescue Epsilon."

The Reds continued staring.

Simmons eventually said "Well it doesn't look terrible if it helps."

Wash said sarcastically "Yeah thanks a bunch because that's what I wanted to hear."

Sarge piped up "Great jumping jacks you even sound like him! How'd that happen?"

Tucker raised a hand "That was my doing. I made Caboose hold him still in front of hours worth of footage of Church."

Caboose said "Yeah the home movies were fun."

Tucker added "Occasionally some Church like phrases pop out but he's still more or less Wash. I figured it would help him fool people that aren't us into thinking Church never went anywhere."

Wash said "You know what? I fucking hate you."

Then turned his back on them walking back to Blue base grumbling.

Tucker looked back the Reds "Not bad huh?"

* * *

When Church could see the AI containment unit crumbling around him he'd been expecting to die, or scatter or whatever.

Not to be rescued by the guys or see Carolina alive when he was pretty sure she was dead.

It was a shock but he could soon get back up to speed with everything, "Hey how we doing in here?" though when he heard Washington's voice coming out of Blue armor, not only that but HIS armor kind of pissed him off.

"Wash?"

Washington turned around from firing at enemy's to say "You got Epsilon out? Good. Can't hold them off much longer they're not too happy about us breaking in."

Oh he did not call him Epsilon after all the shit that he'd been put through.

Carolina went to kill enemies whilst Church asked "Washington. Why are you wearing Blue armor. Why are you wearing MY armor?"

Nobody really seemed all that eager to answer him.

Wash started with "Ooohh umm."

With Caboose following up "Umm yeeahh yeeahhh."

Wash jumped in sounding a bit meek "They sort of used me to replace you on Blue team."

Church said "Replace me?"

Caboose looked at him saying "I wouldn't really use the word replace but there's no word for takeover for you and make everything better immediately. So we say replace."

Church couldn't believe this, it had to be at least a few months after he was gone right?

"When did this happen?"

Caboose said "Oh do you remember when you went into the memory unit and then everyone was sad?"

Church said "Yeah?"

Caboose finished "It was right after that."

Church said indignantly "Right after I left!"

Caboose said "Well it wasn't right after you know but you know like five or ten seconds."

Church muttered "You have got to be kidding me."

Caboose shrugged "Life is short Epsilon we had to move on."

Church thought aloud "I think I just got dumped by Caboose this is un-fucking-believable."

Caboose said "Yeah it's not me. It's you."

Washington added in awkwardly "Epsilon they just needed to even the teams it's really not-"

Oh he was really getting on Church's nerves now.

"Hey would you guys stop calling me Epsilon. I'm Church now."

As if to throw salt in the wound Caboose said "Oh um we sort call the new guy Church... you know.. sometimes."

Church was barely containing his temper as he asked "What?"

When Washington said "Caboose just finds it easier the armor color confuses him. As do a lot of things."

Church was glaring under his ghostly visor "Let me get this straight agent Washington, you took my NAME too!?"

Wash defended himself "It's only in certain circumstances."

Caboose added helpfully "Like when we talk to him, or need to fill out paper work or sing happy birthday to him."

Church snapped "You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

A stray piece of metal got propelled by a grenade blast into the back of Washington's helmet knocking it off, it rolled to Church's feet but all he could stare at was the sheepish agents face as he took in the features.

They were almost HIS features.

He didn't remember a lot of things but he KNEW Washington did not have black hair, a goatee or Church's own personal glasses.

Church hissed "And what is this?"

Caboose said "Not my fault, Tucker did it."

Church clenched his fists "You took my FACE too!?"

Washington said "Tucker just thought that if I looked and acted like you a bit it would fool everyone until we got you back."

Church frowned "Act like me?"

Washington cleared his throat saying "I'm Leonard Church I can't aim for shit, I have an anger management problem ect cetera..."

He retrieved his helmet putting it back on as Church snapped "That's a fucking terrible impression!"

Sarge looked between them and said "Well this is awkward. You know I think the quickest solution would be a good old fashioned thinning of the ranks with my trusty shotgun. Any takers?"

Wash answered "No we're fine."

Sarge continued "Well it was worth a shot. You win this round Blue, I'll be back."

To Church he said "Actually this guy has been kicking our ass I'm kinda glad you're back it sure will be nice to have an idiot in charge of Blue team again."

Church said dully "Thanks. It's great to be needed."

**~The End**


End file.
